In today’s fast-paced world, many of us crave instant gratification, whether it’s impulsively buying things or craving fast, instant meals. Sometimes it’s a struggle to take control of our emotions and reactions to sudden changes in our lives.
We’ve all heard the phrase “patience is a virtue.” Is there any truth to that sentiment? How can you set a good example to others by learning self-control? What are some strategies to prevent you from losing control?
Father of two and Prime driver for nearly a decade Michael Johnson recently shared some insights with Good Dads on the value of patience and self-control and how to utilize them as both a driver and a father. He admits practicing these virtues can be tough, but through the strategies he’s implemented, he’s been able to remain calm, even in difficult situations.
Don’t let other people define your happiness
Michael admitted that, when it comes to being a Prime driver, maintaining self-control can be tough, especially when you’re away from home for long periods of time. He said that folks in this line of work deal with a lot of external things they have no control over. But if you continue to focus on the things that upset you, it can lead to a negative spiral of emotions.
Michael added that working with and communicating with people who are rude to you is a part of life. He stressed the importance of not letting others define your happiness and wellbeing.
“Don’t let other people dictate if you have a good day or not,” he emphasized. “It’s easier to be nice, even if people don’t deserve it. It makes the world a better place.”
Michael said he’s encountered many people who have come off as cold, but he said it’s possible for people to come around, especially if you’re kind to them.
“I’m happier just being nice,” he said.
Much of Michael’s two-pronged approach of self-control and patience comes in handy during interactions with others. In his view, practicing self-control allows us not to respond emotionally. And at the same time, practicing patience can involve being nice to even people who aren’t nice in return.
Patience and kindness are cornerstones to healthy relationships
Michael is a proud father of two, and he wanted to set a good example for his kids growing up. Both of his children currently attend Duke University in Durham, NC, and competed at the national level in sports. He said they’ve always been hardworking and smart; however, he stressed to his children that all the success in the world means nothing if you don’t form valuable relationships with others.
“Being right isn’t a license to be a jerk,” he said.
Michael shared his personal philosophy with his kids, the importance of being kind, understanding and patient with people.
“Life’s all about relationships,” he said. “You could be smart and work really hard, but if you’re not able to connect with people and form relationships, it’s going to limit your ability to be successful.”
Give difficult moments (and yourself) some time to breathe
Michael said during tough situations, his strategy is to take a deep breath and wait.
“If something doesn’t go my way or upsets me, I don’t address it immediately,” he said. “Give it some distance; I’ll revisit it when I’m not emotional or upset about it so I can have a rational discussion.”
As a truck driver, things don’t always go as planned, and sometimes, the situation can be out of Michael’s control entirely. He said he’s grateful that he has a great relationship with his fleet manager, and this relationship has helped him overcome some of the curveballs working over-the-road has thrown his way.
“I don’t talk about (the problem) in the moment when things are hot,” he said. “Wait a day. There’s no rush. A conversation isn’t going to change anything in the immediate moment, anyway.”
Michael said it can be tempting to unleash an emotional response in the moment, especially if things aren’t going your way. But trying to fix a problem while feeling stressed can make the problem worse. Taking a moment to step away and breathe can go a long way.
Understand that nobody is perfect: We all make mistakes
Some problems may be inadvertently caused by someone making a mistake, such as making a wrong turn or not getting in the right lane in time to take an exit. It’s a part of what makes us human, according to Michael.
“I’m not perfect—everybody is going to make mistakes,” he said. “I don’t judge people even if (a mistake) has a negative impact. The first mistake isn’t the one that hurts people; it’s the
second. Don’t follow it up with an even bigger mistake. A lot of people make bigger mistakes to try and fix the (first) mistake.”
Michael can see how these truths in trucking are also true in fatherhood.
As a dad, Michael stressed the importance of giving your children the room to grow and find themselves. He says as long as you or your kids aren’t making the same mistake over and over, it’s perfectly okay to make mistakes, especially when learning something new.
“It’s not always easy to do the right thing,” he admitted. “Sometimes it’s easier to just park your kid in front of the TV.”
While your first instinct as a parent might be to take over and complete a task for your child, it doesn’t help your child learn independence. For instance, if you’re trying to teach your kiddo to wash the dishes, it might take twice as long to clean the kitchen while they’re learning.
“It’s harder for them to help, but if you have the patience, it’s better for everybody in the long run, even if it doesn’t feel like that in the moment.”
Michael acknowledged there are moments where dads might slip and lose a bit of self-control. Whenever that happens, the outcomes aren’t as good.
“I can’t think of an instance where I lost my self-control and things were better off,” he said.
Find self-control strategies that work for you
Michael mentioned the importance of taking some time to breathe and gather yourself before tackling potentially emotional situations. He also shared some additional strategies of his, such as taking the time to smile and laugh and going for a walk.
“I take a deep breath, and I make myself smile,” he said. “If it’s really stressful, I actually make myself laugh out loud so I can hear it. Even if you’re stressed out, if you force a laugh, it changes your mental outlook. As ridiculous as it sounds, I’ve found it works!”
He recommended that drivers take the time to walk at least 10–15 minutes a day. Once he started walking more, he said he saw great improvements in his physical and mental health.
In Michael’s experience, it can be especially difficult for drivers to practice self-control due to being isolated from their loved ones. He said sometimes waiting and not immediately reacting is easier said than done, but ultimately, it’s easier for him to let things go and try and stay positive.
“Driving a truck isn’t easy,” he admitted, “it’s physically and mentally demanding, there are a lot of things pulling us in different directions. It’s easy to get caught up in the reactionary. A bad moment can turn into a bad day or a bad week. For your overall happiness and wellbeing, it’s better to let it go.”
Final Words
When it comes to practicing patience and self-control, Michael said that there are highs and lows on both ends. It’s important to remember that nobody is perfect and that things will typically work themselves out.
“Things are generally never as bad as they seem in the moment,” he said. “Try to be patient, have no emotional response in the moment, and give it some time, clarity and perspective.”
